Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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