I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
