Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
