thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
