i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
