420 ftw
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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