i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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