he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
