unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
