He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I AM VODKA MAN
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
