I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
