The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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