meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
