eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."