i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT