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I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
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