no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
