i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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