i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
