Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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