im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
