you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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