I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
