Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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