i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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