I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
