I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
