Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
