FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
