Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
