I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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