apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
