A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
