Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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