Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
