my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
