I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
