What a fucking waste of an outfit
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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