The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
