those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
