took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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