I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i now understand why vodka
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
