why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There r osticjed everywhere
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
