just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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