Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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