Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
