In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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