Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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