Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
