She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You ruined the universe
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
