who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
