In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
