This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
