He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
