so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
