Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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