Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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