I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
