so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
