apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
