I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
