Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize