My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
