Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
