he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
