i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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