Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize