I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
