WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
