I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
