areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
