did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
