Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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