The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
