forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
