you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
