the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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