so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
