I just made out with a guy for $7.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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