I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize